The Collar I Wear

What does it mean to be seen—and whose words define what others see?

In this intimate memoir, a trans woman begins with a clear declaration: she describes herself as enslaved by her Mistress and wears her Mistress’s collar every day so the world knows. The collar is visible; the relationship and its meaning are hers to describe. Between those facts lies the tension at the heart of her account: a person can attract attention and still be misunderstood, recognized as a symbol while her own voice goes unheard.

With deliberate, measured reflection, she considers the words she uses for herself, the place of her Mistress in her account, and the difference between being visible and being understood. She does not ask others to complete her story with assumptions. Instead, she keeps her identity, her relationship, and the collar in view on her own terms.

The Collar I Wear is a memoir about identity and belonging, and about the stakes of speaking for oneself when a visible sign invites interpretation. Its steady, thoughtful voice offers readers space to consider the distance between what can be seen and what a person says is true of her life.